It’s 10:17 on Father’s Day. I’m in bed, mild hangover easing as the coffee works its magic. My darling husband is cleaning up the kitchen after having friends over yesterday and I’m aware I should be doing that, considering the nature of the day. But if I did that I couldn’t get online and enrol my husband in the local gym as a gift (yes I’m aware I’m cutting it rather fine). Now I wonder what your first reaction is to that gift. Obviously we all make judgments constantly, and I imagine one might assume this was a passive aggressive suggestion to my husband that he needs to shape up. One friend of mine who is extremely fit and fabulous herself lamented her husband’s expanding girth and felt increasingly resentful over the years that he didn’t live up to her standards or expectations. Encouraging him to exercise and carving out time from the family for him to do so was a priority for her.
That’s not what’s happening here. I adore my husband and want to pay him a little tribute on this day. I’d absolutely rather have him at home with us every hour he’s not at work. I think this is probably not the norm. There seems to be so much chatter out there about how disappointed women are with their chosen life partners. I hear so many little niggly complaints about how their husbands are just a bit hopeless. They don’t brush their kids’ hair right, they don’t clean up after themselves (that would piss me off too), they don’t remember to pack the soccer bag, they don’t listen attentively when their partners are talking to them, they don’t make any effort around the house, or worse, they don’t appreciate their partners’ efforts around the house… the list is endless. It saddens me. I am aware that this post would be more relatable if I were to basically whinge about my husband’s flaws and enter into a feminist diatribe about how sub par the men in my life are.
But I can’t. My ex (and a few before him too) was worthy of that kind of post (it will come later), but my husband is truly amazing. I actually adore him. Not only do I love him, I like him. I really, really like him. Unlike many friends who tell me they need time alone and apart from their spouses, I love spending time with mine. I avoid making any commitments with friends or family on a day when hubby’s around because I want to maximise our time together, both as a couple pretending to be child and responsibility free or as a family. In a couple of weeks we’re heading off for 3 blissful nights away up north, our beautiful girls are staying here with mum and dad and we are having time just for us. I felt guilty about not taking them this time (for a few seconds) but then was able to rationalise myself out of it. Quality time alone as a couple makes us much better parents. Huge props to my parents for not only understanding that but caring enough to make it possible.
The reason I’m buying him a gym membership is because he’s been trying to make that part of his life for years, and years, and years. He is tall, dark, handsome, and naturally lean. Lucky, lucky man. And lucky lucky me! He’s hardly changed since we met almost 10 years ago. He wants to exercise more for the energy boost, for the endorphin release, and to feel strong and healthy. But so often he’s tired and sees me tired and doesn’t want to leave me to deal with the dinner/homework/bath routine on my own. So he stays. He puts my needs before his and while that is very sweet and I love his generosity and concern for my wellbeing and sanity, I really want to push him to do things he wants to do too, for him.
So I know he’ll like the gift, I just hope he uses it, and that I can keep my shizz together enough during the witching hour that he feels safe to head down the road for an hour, knowing he won’t return to a home in chaos and ruin, wife half way through a bottle of red and children writing letters of hate in their bedrooms about how mean mummy has been. (Yes this has been known to happen).
So it’s now 11:02 and I wanted to expand on why hubby is so fabulous. But we’re about to be running late so I’ll have to keep it for another blog. Happy father’s day people. Celebrate the good, appreciate the positive efforts and intentions of the men in your life and let the rest slide for as long as you can.