On Cautious Optimism

Christmas 2020

School holidays suck for writing. I barely managed to scrape in the last Tunes Tuesday at the last minute by the skin of my teeth. Since then, it’s been the lead up to Christmas, full time parenting, and then, of course Christmas, which was lovely and boozy and very pleasant. Christmas Day was my 7th consecutive day off, so going back to work on Boxing Day didn’t seem like too much of a hardship. That said, when they called me up at 5:30 am, an hour before I was due to start, to ask if I’d like to be stood down, I instantly replied, “Yes please!”

“You would?” my team leader replied, sounding somewhat surprised, “Okay, I just have to remind you that you will miss out on being paid double time and half.” Aaaah damn.

“Right.” Bugger. “One moment.” I turned to Chab with one eye open. “Babe, do you think I should stay home and be paid for a normal shift or go to work and get double time and a half?”

“I don’t recall […] starting to shit money…”

As I asked the question I knew the answer. Since when do I pass up $1000 for a day’s work? I don’t recall either Chab or myself recently starting to shit money… (yes this is crass but this was my actual inner monologue, and I do like authenticity!) Bless his kind, generous soul, he simply said, “How do you feel?” I feel fine!

“Yep, I’ll just come in.”

“You’ll just come in, okay Mia, see you soon.”

Grumble grumble.

It was a lovely day. In fact, every day at work has been lovely lately- I say cautiously, looking for wood to knock on. Could it be that as my second year of practice draws to a close, I am starting, finally, to find my groove? My place in the team? My quiet self assuredness that whatever I can’t manage on my own I can manage with the support of my colleagues? Certainly, I no longer dream of having an accident en route to work just to allay my anxiety. So this is super news all round, let’s be honest.

Today is my last of 4 shifts before going back, probably a little shady, at the crack of dawn on New Year’s Day. I can honestly say I’m looking forward to it, and I’m really looking forward to 2021. Bring it on.

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