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Pregnant and Fighting F*t

21 weeks today. The son we never thought we’d have is growing at lightning speed (80th percentile!) as is my girth. Somewhere in the past 5 weeks I’ve gone from ‘what baby?’ to ‘whoaaa baby!’. A lovely colleague I hadn’t seen in a few weeks cast her eyes over my enormous belly and newly acquired…

Telling the Girls- The Rest.

I wanted it to be a little bit special when we told the girls about the pregnancy. This was not planned, I didn’t think they had seen it coming, and I felt it could go either way: be taken really well or really badly. I knew there would be anxiety about mummy’s attention being pulled…

Telling the Girls- Part One

At 8 weeks on the dot, the day of our dating scan, I woke up more nauseated than usual. I put it down to nerves. I’d been lucky with the girls. I had never thrown up, and any nausea I had was mild and quickly relieved with food. I never needed to even consider medication.…

Curve Ball

I don’t know how to start this. I feel like I’m learning to write again after a hiatus of over 3 months. Three months. Where the hell did that time go? Three months ago I wrote about adulting fatigue. I’m so over adulting, I lamented. So over being boring and cautious, thinking ahead all the…

Fatigue

I have adulting fatigue today. And yesterday. And most of these school holidays to be honest. Perhaps that’s why I’ve not written a word for 2 weeks. Or perhaps it’s the other way around. I already know that writing every day is a ‘protective factor’ for me against anxiety, depression and overwhelm. So is daily…

Tunes Tuesday: My Love, My Life

I adore this song. The girls and I have been listening to the Mamma Mia 2 soundtrack on high rotation, not for the first time. We all love ABBA (how can you not?!), we love Mamma Mia 1 and 2 (although they’re not allowed to watch it yet, they’ve seen some of the clips- “Lay…

Thigh Gap Pride: May we all please call BS.

Losing weight is such a fraught endeavour. I’ve written extensively about my struggle with this before, in particular; the terrible shame around the hypocrisy of trying to mindfully raise girls who like and accept their whole selves, body heart and soul- when I cannot honestly claim to be one, try as I might. I’ve since…

Tunes Tuesday- I Can’t Stand the Rain

It’s Tunes Tuesday, and until 4:30 this afternoon I had no idea what I was going to record. I could have let it go. I’m feeling a bit blocked up, had slept 4.5 hours in 36 hours and was pretty tired after night shift. Apart from that it’s been a big week of revelations, vulnerability…

Midwife Emerging.

I came to midwifery much later in life, beginning study at 30 years of age when my eldest was just 1, and graduating 5 years later when my youngest was just shy of 3. It was a gruelling path and I would not have stuck to it through all the trials, tribulations, sacrifice and anxiety…

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